As a 30-year-old woman who is not married, I have desired marriage for as long as I can remember.
I assumed my story would look like my parents’—high school sweethearts who married young. I watched my younger sister do the same. Now I watch my younger brother in a serious relationship. For years, it felt like I was sitting on the sidelines while the very thing I longed for most—love—unfolded in everyone else’s life.
And if I’m honest, there were moments when I quietly asked the Lord:
Why not me?
What is wrong with me? Too picky? Not enough?
Scripture says, “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4). If God placed this desire in my heart, why hadn’t it happened?
What my twenty-year-old self didn’t realize was that my twenties were not a delay. They were a gift.
I grew up Catholic, but it wasn’t until college that I truly committed to daily prayer. In that decision, I wanted to give a Bible study a try—specifically Fearless and Free—and that was what launched my journey into a real friendship with the Lord. What began as ten minutes of Scripture and journaling slowly became an hour. In that quiet time, the Lord began reshaping my identity. I began learning what it meant to be a beloved daughter.
As I developed a friendship with Jesus, I encountered a love deeper than anything I had known. The ache didn’t disappear, but the striving softened. God was teaching me what real love was: His love. Not anxious. Not rushed. Not comparative. Secure.
In my late twenties, I did enter into a serious relationship with a faithful Catholic man who, in my mind, checked every box. I truly believed, This is it. He is the one! After all, “He has made everything beautiful in its time” (Ecclesiastes 3:11). But about a year in, I sensed the Holy Spirit nudging my heart. Something wasn’t right. I wrestled. I prayed. I hoped the feeling would fade.
It didn’t.
Through tears and trembling obedience, I ended the relationship. I was devastated. And the old questions returned:
Maybe marriage isn’t for me?
Maybe I missed my chance?
But in the quiet that followed, the Lord revealed something unexpected: I wasn’t being punished. I was being prepared. In prayer, I sensed Him gently say:
Hannah, you must first learn to love Me fully. You must learn to love yourself as My creation. Then you will be ready to love a spouse well.
I realized I had been ready for companionship but not yet fully rooted in wholeness.
What felt like loss was actually protection. God saw what I couldn’t.
There is a particular ache that comes with wanting marriage and not knowing when, or if, it will come.
I am sitting in that place with you. So how do we trust God in singleness?
We trust Him by choosing intimacy over anxiety, obedience over fear, and growth over stagnation. We trust Him by believing that delay is not denial and that His timing is not a reflection of our worth.
Here are a few rhythms that have anchored me.
1. Intentional daily prayer
Bring your desires honestly before God. Ask Him to refine them. Learn His voice. His direction becomes clearer the more time you spend with Him.
2. Root your identity in being loved, not chosen
Marriage is a calling for some, but daughtership is a promise for all. When you are secure in being chosen by God, you stop grasping to be chosen by a man.
3. Build a full life today
It is easy to postpone joy until marriage. But waiting does not mean pausing your life. Ask yourself these questions:
Ecclesiastes 3:11 reminds us, “He has made everything beautiful in its time.” God is making something beautiful now, not just later.
Join a Bible study. Serve in your parish. Develop a skill. Strengthen relationships. Say yes to growth and joy.
In this season of waiting, let this truth guide you as shared on Hope for Right Now: A Walking with Purpose Podcast: “You are the primary instrument God wants to use to spread the Gospel.”[1]
Not someday. Not when you’re married. Now.
A healthy marriage is built by two whole people not two people hoping the other will complete them.
4. Obey even when it hurts
Delayed obedience prolongs confusion. When the Lord prompts you, trust His perspective.
“Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; yea, wait for the Lord!” (Psalm 27:14).
5. Believe that God is preparing, not withholding
Preparation often feels like silence. But silence is not absence.
God does some of His most profound work in hidden places: forming your character, refining your desires, and strengthening your trust. What feels unseen now may one day become the very foundation of your future marriage.
Friend, your longing is not foolish. Your desire for marriage is not too much. God is writing something deeper than a wedding day. He is forming a woman who knows how to love from fullness, not lack. And that kind of love, when it comes, will be worth the wait.
My prayer for you is to find peace in the waiting, confidence in who you are becoming, and deep trust that the God who wrote your love story is not careless with your heart.
[1] Hope for Right Now: A Walking with Purpose Podcast, Episode 70, “Daughter,” June 30, 2025. Podcast, https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hope-for-right-now-a-walking-with-purpose-podcast/id1721336657?i=1000715106734
About the author:
Hannah Brownawell serves as an assistant to Lisa Brenninkmeyer and special projects manager at Walking with Purpose. She spends part of the year in Maine and the rest in South Carolina with her pup, Maggie Lou. Hannah holds a degree in business administration and entrepreneurship and enjoys a variety of creative and outdoor pursuits, including running, watercolor painting, paddleboarding, reading, and writing. She has a special heart for young women and is passionate about helping them grow in their faith and recognize how deeply loved and precious they are to our Father.
